Basically, I will scroll down my Facebook newsfeed and pick out the sites with 'catchy' (read: misleading) titles that are truly... the worst. For today, I will be linking this sparkling gem of non-fiction writing: http://www.itemsfeed.com/trends/12-simple-ways-to-be-more-attractive/8/
"12 Simple Ways to Be More Attractive"
This was a suggested post on my 'newsfeed'.. should I be offended?
Here is the blog's first of 12 recommendations, which of course is one of those sites where you have to click to a new page for EVERY NUMBERED ITEM. Fear not, for there are a lot of adverts to keep you company while you wait for each page to load.
"#1 Keep Smile"
Wait, keep smile? Like, keep smiling.. or keeping smile? Keep smile is just a little bit awkward. Where art thou, editor?
"Keep a smile on your face. When you smile, you look more friendly and approachable. People feel comfort to deal with you. No matter what your are feeling inside, smile"
'Comfort to deal with you'? Hmm, well aside from the grammar mistake, smiling constantly can make you a little fake. It's good to smile, of course, but constantly? I'm going to have say that's some pretty terrible advice. Maybe they're just warming up?
"#3 Keep Hair Tip-top Your hair is just like your crown! So take care of it. A nice look is the first step to attract someone. Get regular haircuts as it is important for your hair to be healthy. Keep your hair clean and tidy. It is really important for attractive appearance."
Crown? Who, aside from royalty, Joffrey, and your three year old sister wears a crown? "A nice look is the first step to attract someone" Well, no, actually hair shouldn't be your first priority. Try personality. And again, they make more grammatical errors. Seriously, where is the editor?
"4 Body Language Your body language is important. If you look busy in your body language, people are likely to avoid you. They will think that you don’t want to be disturbed. But if you are easy and relaxed, people will feel comfortable to approach you."
"Easy" they ought to say 'easy-going'. Because, where I'm from, using the word 'easy' to describe someone isn't the most flattering of adjectives.
"6 Walk ConfidentlyBe confident while walking. Do you know how to walk with confidence? Keeping your body relaxed and holding eyes and head up help you look confident. Making you look confident is a great part of being attractive."
Stand-offish, confident, same thing right?
"8 Be Relaxed Are you seared all the time thinking what others are thinking of you? If yes, you should fight to kick away this habit. Be confident and open yourself to others. Communicate with them and be easy. Nervousness isn’t liked. So, be confident and relaxed while dealing with people."
Well, I actually have to agree. I usually have problems being seared of what people think of me too. #Iwantedmediumrare #notalone
"10 Wear Fit Clothes Your dress is really important. People like one who is dressed properly. So, take care of what you are wearing. Buy the clothes that fit you properly. Oversized or too tight clothes make you look odd."
That's right! I want my clothes to be fit! Not fat and lazy like the clothes my other friends wear. My clothes have to look like they spent yesterday at the gym, not McDonald's.
Seriously though? Editor... please... we need you...
"11 Ask Questions Don’t try to speak about you all the time. While gossiping with someone ask questions. But don’t ask anything inappropriate. When you ask questions, people think that you are interested to know about them and they feel important."
"While gossiping with someone"? I know they probably mean 'gossiping' by just talking, but still a really poor choice of words.
"12 Wear Bright Color Wear colorful clothes. Be careful to avoid some colors which can be inappropriate because of the tone of your skin or the ambience of the place to go. Usually, bright colors attract people. You also look more confident."
And they actually saved the best for last!
To think that I have been doing it wrong all these years... finally, I can buy that hot neon orange shirt that's just been whispering my name. "Bright colors attract people" yeah, that's why construction workers wear them to work, so they will be seen and avoided. It's an obnoxious style choice for the most part, and while it works for some, it definitely doesn't work for most.
But, to be on the safe side, I think I'll wear all yellow and pink for my next first date.
And that's it! Thanks for reading!
And hopefully these tips will make you a better, more attractive, individual.
Now to find that editor...
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