God Doesn't Heal

It's a pretty straightforward title, one that hopefully sets the tone for my third entry.

Ever since moving to England on my own, I can't be really picky with the avenues I choose to meet new people. I've gone a few times to the university for a 'creative writing club' I am a part of, and when I can, I head out on a Sunday morning to church.

Earlier in the month, upon my arrival in England, I found one church. It was nice, located a quick ten minute walk from where I'm staying. It was in a high school. I followed the signs near the school, directing me to the front doors and towards a gymnasium.

It was crowded and noisy. People knew each other, and were suffice to let me, the stranger, sit on his own at the back. The only person who approached me was a typical 'youth leader type', and if you've gone to a protestant church before, you know exactly who I'm talking about.

Charismatic, stylish, and overtly friendly.

It wasn't such a bad experience, the singing was great, and the service was a nice distraction.

I decided to come back for seconds.

Halfway through my second service, a woman came to the front to deliver a story that was on her heart.

"I have two friends," she began in a practiced voice, "and one of them was complaining about back problems. Before I could think about it, I asked if I could pray for one of them," slight laughter from a crowd knowing how embarrassing it is to bring up prayer, without likely lifting up a word themselves.

She then went to on to explain that God was telling her to check if her friend's legs were the same length. More laughter from the crowd, as I suspect many of them are familiar with that 'kind of healing'.

Did I mention they were Pentecostals? If you know what that is, then you know exactly what I'm talking about.

'Differences in leg length' is nothing new. It used to be an old magicians trick back in the 1950s. You see, the 'patient' is sat down in a chair, while the preacher/minister/pastor/faith-healer/magician/liar/deluded-person prays for the 'patient', and the 'disparity' disappears as one leg grows or shrinks to match the other.

What really happens is merely illusion and trickery.

However, I find it hard to believe that any trickery was involved in the story. Instead, I suspect it was just her seeing what she wanted and expected to see. I mean, just by stretching, or leaning, or moving, your legs can appear different lengths. Also, the amount of change was 'one centimeter.'

When she had said her last word, a man from the back shouted 'hallelujah' and the rest of the congregation broke out into wild applause.

What made that story worse, was the story she had shared before it.

She had a neighbor who, instead of having back problems, had cancer. She prayed for her neighbor, and a year later, she was healed! Unfortunately, she gave credit to God, and not to the doctors and nurses who used modern medicine to send the cancer into remission.

And this, I should add, is coming from a Christian. I am a believer, a skeptical one at times, but I suppose that is another story entirely.

See, I could give God credit too if the healing was miraculous. The story would also have been better if she didn't go and share a story about God miraculously growing and shrinking legs beforehand. I suppose, in her mind, God just doesn't have time for cancer. Or, it was to be 'healed' in his time.

What a load of rubbish.

Maybe it's my 'all or nothing' kind of thinking, but I would think a God who healed legs, can also heal cancer, blindness, STD's, learning disabilities, mental illnesses, and amputees.

And, to add insult to injury, the pastor exclaimed: "After the service, we will have a time of healing!" Oh, wait. No, he didn't say that. Instead, he said this: "After the service, we will have a time for God to heal sore backs related to differences in leg length." I kid you not.

I nearly stormed out of the church.

How could no one else see the problems with this?

Maybe, the few readers that are out there, can share with me how this is a good thing.

Worst of Click-Bait, I am still Shocked

I will be doing a feature on here, called 'Worst of Click-Bait'.

Basically, I will scroll down my Facebook newsfeed and pick out the sites with 'catchy' (read: misleading) titles that are truly... the worst. For today, I will be linking this sparkling gem of non-fiction writing: http://www.itemsfeed.com/trends/12-simple-ways-to-be-more-attractive/8/

"12 Simple Ways to Be More Attractive"

This was a suggested post on my 'newsfeed'.. should I be offended?

Here is the blog's first of 12 recommendations, which of course is one of those sites where you have to click to a new page for EVERY NUMBERED ITEM. Fear not, for there are a lot of adverts to keep you company while you wait for each page to load.

"#1 Keep Smile"

Wait, keep smile? Like, keep smiling.. or keeping smile? Keep smile is just a little bit awkward. Where art thou, editor?

"Keep a smile on your face. When you smile, you look more friendly and approachable. People feel comfort to deal with you. No matter what your are feeling inside, smile"

'Comfort to deal with you'? Hmm, well aside from the grammar mistake, smiling constantly can make you a little fake. It's good to smile, of course, but constantly? I'm going to have say that's some pretty terrible advice. Maybe they're just warming up?




"#3 Keep Hair Tip-top Your hair is just like your crown! So take care of it. A nice look is the first step to attract someone. Get regular haircuts as it is important for your hair to be healthy. Keep your hair clean and tidy. It is really important for attractive appearance."

Crown? Who, aside from royalty, Joffrey, and your three year old sister wears a crown? "A nice look is the first step to attract someone" Well, no, actually hair shouldn't be your first priority. Try personality. And again, they make more grammatical errors. Seriously, where is the editor?




"4 Body Language Your body language is important. If you look busy in your body language, people are likely to avoid you. They will think that you don’t want to be disturbed. But if you are easy and relaxed, people will feel comfortable to approach you."

"Easy" they ought to say 'easy-going'. Because, where I'm from, using the word 'easy' to describe someone isn't the most flattering of adjectives.

"6 Walk ConfidentlyBe confident while walking. Do you know how to walk with confidence? Keeping your body relaxed and holding eyes and head up help you look confident. Making you look confident is a great part of being attractive."

Stand-offish, confident, same thing right?



"8 Be Relaxed Are you seared all the time thinking what others are thinking of you? If yes, you should fight to kick away this habit. Be confident and open yourself to others. Communicate with them and be easy. Nervousness isn’t liked. So, be confident and relaxed while dealing with people."

Well, I actually have to agree. I usually have problems being seared of what people think of me too. #Iwantedmediumrare #notalone

"10 Wear Fit Clothes Your dress is really important. People like one who is dressed properly. So, take care of what you are wearing. Buy the clothes that fit you properly. Oversized or too tight clothes make you look odd."

That's right! I want my clothes to be fit! Not fat and lazy like the clothes my other friends wear. My clothes have to look like they spent yesterday at the gym, not McDonald's.
Seriously though? Editor... please... we need you...



"11 Ask Questions Don’t try to speak about you all the time. While gossiping with someone ask questions. But don’t ask anything inappropriate. When you ask questions, people think that you are interested to know about them and they feel important."

"While gossiping with someone"? I know they probably mean 'gossiping' by just talking, but still a really poor choice of words.

"12 Wear Bright Color Wear colorful clothes. Be careful to avoid some colors which can be inappropriate because of the tone of your skin or the ambience of the place to go. Usually, bright colors attract people. You also look more confident."

And they actually saved the best for last!
To think that I have been doing it wrong all these years... finally, I can buy that hot neon orange shirt that's just been whispering my name. "Bright colors attract people" yeah, that's why construction workers wear them to work, so they will be seen and avoided. It's an obnoxious style choice for the most part, and while it works for some, it definitely doesn't work for most.
But, to be on the safe side, I think I'll wear all yellow and pink for my next first date.



And that's it! Thanks for reading!
And hopefully these tips will make you a better, more attractive, individual.

Now to find that editor...

Ducking Blog?

For some reason, the word 'fucking' is always turned to 'ducking' by my very PC phone.

Ducking, for some reason, confused me when I first read it. I thought of ducks, a canard to be specific. I forgot that 'ducking' means to, well, duck.

To avoid things, to miss something being thrown.

However, that is absolutely nothing to do with this blog.

Swearing, on the other hand, most certainly does.

I'm sure some of you found the word 'fucking' to be rather offensive. It's a crude word to some. Why did I make the title of my blog sound like I was saying 'fucking'? Well I will tackle that in another blog post, for now, just know that I have my reasons.

It is part of a trend though.

There's Booking.com... which, in one of their commercials, the word 'booking' is substituted for the f-word. Maybe. I mean, technically it could be seen as a totally innocuous thing, but I doubt it. Come on.

And there's the oh-so clever marketing team over at Toyota, conjured up this slogan for their car, AYGO 2014: "Go fun yourself". See, what I mean by clever? Not only clever, but very risqué and edgy. I'm sure the Cool and Hip Marketers must've had their own 'eureka' moment when Tim, who doesn't talk very much, shyly raised his hand and offered his genius idea. Damn it, Tim.

Honestly? It's got my attention. Not, that it in any way wants to make me buy a Toyota, but it made me think. Why does alluding to swearing, specifically the adorable little word 'fuck' make us all gasp, giggle, or growl?

Triple G - all rights reserved.

Well, because it's a censored word. It's still controversial to use in a lot of mediums and does grab your attention. Case in point: I didn't want to use the actual word, 'fuck', in my title. I knew it would bother some people. I know that Google, would never offer it up as a suggestion on its search engine.

Not that this will ever be searched up that much, but I'm a 'just in case' kind of person.

Thanks for reading this, and I hope to continue pouring my thoughts out into the internet for days, months, or years to come... or until I get bored. We'll see what happens.

But first, let me leave you with some fun, 'f-word facts'!

- The 2013 movie, The Wolf of Wall Street uses the 'f-word' a record-breaking 569 times. However, a 2005 documentary titled Fuck, which is about the word, uses it 857 times. That's 9 uses per minute.

- It's first recorded use as a sexual term, was back in 1475 in a Latin poem satirizing monks in England

- There is a village in Austria, with roughly 104 people living in it, called "Fucking". According to the population, they're actually not.

- In Brazil, there lives a man named Mr. Reinhardt Adolfo Fuck

- Fuck was never an acronym.. thank you Mythbusters