The Real Effects of Porn Addiction

This is a terribly scatter-brained blog. Still, I don't really have any readers, so that's okay. I'll just continue writing what I want to write, and if this ever becomes something people read, I'll get it together.

Now let's talk about porn.

Let's be real about it to. Guy, girl, chances are that you've at least seen a pornographic image. Chances are also that you got off on it a few times... maybe a lot, probably every day. And by get off, I mean masturbate, so I'm just going to stop using expressions and call it what it is.

Masturbating to porn - a lot of us do it. I'm betting, so do you.

And it's harmless, right?

I remember the first time I masturbated to porn. Grade six. Twelve years old. For a few months I'd been exposed to the wonders of late-night television, and before that, masturbation. Only, after a few times staring at the naked people on the TV, did I realize that I could also masturbate at the same time... and then I never really stopped.

At first, I felt horrible about it. I was a Christian in a Christian family. Porn was bad, but my parents were thankfully understanding about it when they realized their little boy had transformed into a greasy pubescent. They put up 'porn-blockers', and made sure to keep an eye on me.

Only, they underestimated the power of addiction. I used neighbor's wireless signals (before we all smartened up and put passwords on them), I found old magazines, I went to friend's houses, I unlocked passwords, bypassed the porn-blockers - anything to gratify myself. I felt powerless to not masturbate, and while I was still a believing Christian, I just swallowed my guilt and prayed it away.

And simply masturbating wasn't enough - I needed those images. As the years progressed, fantasying just wasn't enough to stimulate me. By the time I had left my Christian faith, I no longer felt guilty. Watching porn and masturbating was just a staple of being a man. A normal part of life.

Only it wasn't.

I'm not going to get into porn and sex-slavery; I'm not educated on that - but life taught me that there are consequences to my favorite hobby.

I was first faced with this when I had sex for the first time. I was 18, and the moment I had dreamed of for such a long time was finally happening. Only, it wasn't anything like I thought. It wasn't that sexy, it wasn't that hot, and my biggest fear - coming too quickly - was replaced by the reality that I couldn't really get or maintain an erection.

Two hours later of hurt feelings, cuddling, and no orgasm from either parties, I chalked it up to 'performance anxiety'. The next time, same thing. Then the next. Several times this happened, until maybe like the fifth time I was able to have normal sex. All the while I still watched porn and masturbated, and had no idea what was going on.

Well, I did suspect their was some correlation. I was desperate, and all my attempts to lose ED (erectile dysfunction, as we call it on the streets) were unsuccessful, so I decided to stop watching porn. In about two months of that, my ED was completely gone. Then we broke up, I started to watch porn again, and my second partner got to see me completely fail in bed.

It was embarrassing - and I was frustrated. Why was this happening to me? I wasn't old, nor did I have a disease-related affecter. In my frustration, I 'Googled' my problem, and came up on this wonderful site:

http://yourbrainonporn.com/


Suddenly, it all made sense. Not only was porn causing my ED, but it was creating issues in my life-long struggle with social anxiety. I had always been quiet and shy, but as I grew up, I still struggled socially in a lot of ways. I was shy, scared and unsure in social situations. I had friend, girlfriends too; but I was struggling so much to simply be a happy person. Porn was my escape - the needle in my arm, the cigarette in my mouth.

Before finding the afore-mentioned site, I was terrified of people, unable to say the proper words, or to summon any amount of courage. I built up walls, so that no one could see the inner-turmoil brought upon by my addiction. I can't say that porn addiction was the reason for everything bad in my life, but it certainly had a huge effect.

I had to stop, and see if porn was truly the inhibitor in my life.

So I stopped cold turkey.

In the first four weeks of my 'sobriety' the changes inside we're surprising. I was a Christian again by this time and no-longer sleeping around (perhaps I'll write a blog about that topic later on), but I didn't need to have sex to know things had changed.

I felt more alive, happier, confident.

Some people experience extreme withdrawal, but I'm fortunate enough not to have. Don't be surprised, however, if your experience in dropping porn is a living hell. Whatever you do, don't run back to it. You will though, and when you do, don't beat yourself up over it.

Because if you stick with losing porn, you may just find a better part of yourself.

That was cheesy, but true.

I've been porn-free for nearly two months now and the changes in my life are dramatic. Don't take my word for it though, go and see for yourself. Prove me wrong, or realize what you've been missing out on all this time.

Buzzfeed Is the Worst

I feel the need to address the festering virus that is Buzzfeed or BuzzFeed. Whatever the fuck it is they call themselves. Yes, I'm angry, you should read this in an angry tone.

I literally cannot scroll two posts down my Facebook wall without seeing a shared video from the most pandering, drivel-fuelled website birthed out of the Information Age. Buzzfeed.

Just like that friend that will agree with everything you say, Buzzfeed is a feel-good time, but with the depth and interest of the GIF's it is enamored with. Flashy and amusing, it twirls it's pretty dress around the dance floor, before immediately throwing up all over itself - any guy can take her home, but does he really want to deal with the inevitable mess?

My main problem with Buzzfeed is that it's thoughtless. Any junior high school student could put together the same articles, except probably with less typos. But is thoughtlessness a bad thing? Not really, I mean, a lot of entertainment is rather thoughtless. However, it's the rate at which this thoughtlessness comes spewing out at you.

Like I said, it's all I see on Facebook nowadays. It's not always bad, it's just always terribly annoying.

It also is entirely click-bait. Nothing more. You're not going to leave that article with a refreshing view on the world, instead, you're going to click right on the next flashy title such as: 11 Problems that only Short People will Understand. Tall or short, you're interested because the information is digestible due to it being in a list.

Lists are not bad, it's simply the content in said list that drives me up the wall and smack-dab into yet another Buzzfeed article.

It's GIF's of cats and meme's that are subtitled by intellectual remarks like "Win", "LOL", "WTF", and "Hacks". It's lists that contain similar things in no real order and with no real meaning. It's entertaining, in the way that McDonald's is delicious.

Buzzfeed isn't horrible in the way that one small pimple isn't going to ruin your life - but thirty six of them popping up in various places and with a relentless pace, is surely going to get a little bit tiresome.